+.Gallery.Journal.Note me.+

Yeah, I've been super busy still with tests and projects and essays and whatnot, being end of term and all. (And I'm doing a Monologue and in a scene for a performance being put on by one of my classes at my school next week, and so I need to be ready for that since it's a considerable amount of memorization and things to consider and WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COSTUMES and yeah) But, most importantly, I've been getting into more and more and more of a funk. At first, I thought it was just stress or maybe not enough sleep or not enough food or who knows what. But after a solid 2+ months feeling that way, and trying numerous things to relieve/solve whatever it might have been, and talking things out with various people in a variety of ways, I've figured out what's going on.




I've betrayed who I am.

I'm not who I used to be, and while I realized that a while ago (Namely right away, though I thought it a good thing at first), I also realized I had no way of actually going back to who I was, as I never had a very solid grasp of who I was. I figured that, since it was something I couldn't control, the chances of it being what was bugging me were slim to none, and slim had left town. I was wrong. I have given the subject a serious amount of thought, and realized that not only have I stopped fighting for what I believe, and doing what I want because I enjoy it, I've started being submissive and doing what others want me to simply because they want me to or I have nothing else to do. And in my world, boredom should never, ever, ever lead to submission. But, most importantly, I realized that while, yes, I was being far more social and outgoing, I had also stopped being able to write poetry, or anything of any substance. I stopped doing what made me, well, me. And so, I've decided that from here on out, things are gonna change. I'm not gonna let others or school rule how my life goes. I'm going to make sure I have plenty of time to just be me and be alone and do what I want to, because I want to. I'm not going to keep everything in because I'm afraid of causing a ruckus. I'm not going to let things that I believe wrong simply go on, unfettered. It may not get me back to being who I was, but it's certainly a start. I've already started working on a poem.

Journal Art, CSS, etc, (c) SavannahSage. Do Not Steal!